


Anxiety

by situationnormal



Series: Delicate [1]
Category: K-pop, Shinhwa
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2255106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/situationnormal/pseuds/situationnormal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eric starts to notice all of Hyesung’s nervous habits, while Hyesung tries to deal with how anxious being around Eric makes him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anxiety

Eric had never noticed the way Hyesung combed his hair forward, patting it directly into his eyes, whenever he was nervous. He had never noticed the way his hands would shake, or the way he would rub his sweaty palms on his pants, trying to keep them moving so the tremors weren’t noticeable. He hadn’t noticed the way Hyesung held the fingers of his right hand with his left, squeezing them as if for comfort, before raising them again to smooth his hair and repeating the entire process. They had known each other for so many years, Eric wondered if it was such a normal part of Hyesung’s body language that he had noticed it at first, and then stopped somewhere along the line—or if it was a new habit—or if, maybe, Eric had never really paid attention.  
  
It wasn’t until one night, sitting at a table alone with the lead singer, that he had begun to see it. Hyesung had been acting strange, licking his lips and playing with his hair, but when his hands shook so badly he'd knocked over a glass of water sitting between them, it had been impossible not to notice. After that, Eric saw his nervous gestures when they were about to go on stage, when a camera was about to start rolling, when he was about to speak up on broadcast—Hyesung always went through one, if not all of the motions. None of the other members seemed to notice, though. None of them ever mentioned it, at least. And Eric never saw any of them paying attention to it, or looking concerned.  
  
After a couple of weeks of observation, Eric had to admit that the nervousness seemed to be worse when he and Hyesung were alone together, and there wasn’t anyone else around to see. Even though he had heard Hyesung admit to being awkward when the two were alone, Eric had always taken it as a joke. But as soon as a room emptied, leaving just the two of them behind, Hyesung would have to place his phone on the table to text properly because his hands would shake so badly. So many years, and being alone with Eric was as bad as a crowd of 10,000 people or the pressure to perform well and be funny on a variety show? It wasn't like Eric was pressuring him with intense conversation _—_ he mostly stuck to texting when the two were alone together, too.  
  
One night, after a particularly long day of rehearsals, Eric and Hyesung were left alone in the practice room—Hyesung taking a while to pack his bag properly, and Eric trying to catch up on the texts he had missed throughout the day. Eric would never know what possessed him, but Hyesung’s trembling hands that night made him feel so guilty he hadn’t been able to take it anymore. So he had pushed his chair back and stood next to the other man, taking one shaking hand in his own.  
  
“What are you doing?” Hyesung asked, frantically trying to force his hand out of Eric’s grip.  
  
“You’re shaking,” Eric said, giving the smaller, wriggling hand a firm squeeze.  
  
“I’m tired,” Hyesung said, letting his hand go limp, but patting his sweaty hair into his eyes with the other.  
  
“You’re not nervous?” Eric asked, grabbing Hyesung’s other hand as well and turning both over, palms facing up, to inspect them, circling his own thumbs on the other man’s wrists in a way he hoped was comforting.  
  
“Of course I’m nervous, you’re acting weird,” Hyesung said weakly, pulling his hands experimentally away from Eric, but not hard enough to actually get them loose.  
  
“I’m always weird, and you’re always nervous, at least lately,” Eric observed.  
  
“You’re weirder than usual. You’re starting to scare me,” Hyesung said, looking down at his own hands, trying to understand what Eric was looking at so intently.  
  
“I hadn’t noticed how much your hands shake when you’re nervous. Have they always done that?”  
  
“I don’t know. I guess so.”  
  
“Have you always pushed your hair into your eyes, too, or is that something new?” Eric asked, his own hands moving slowly up Hyesung’s forearms and coming to rest on each elbow.  
  
“Ya, you loach, stop touching me,” Hyesung pulled his arms free, trying to ignore the goosebumps that covered them from wrist to shoulder. “Why are you so interested in stuff like this all of a sudden? Have you been listening to Dongwan’s medical crap?”  
  
“It’s not medical interest.” Eric laughed, observing the way Hyesung had begun to rub his arms, up and down, as if trying to warm them. “More of an interest in you.”  
  
Hyesung dropped his arms to his sides. His mouth opened, confused, then closed firmly. He picked up a discarded t-shirt with still-trembling hands and began to try and fold it, once again.  
  
“Are you angry?” Eric asked, smiling.  
  
“No. I’m tired. And I’m not in the mood to play around,” Hyesung said, balling the t-shirt up in frustration and hurriedly trying to zip the bag around it.  
  
“I’m not playing, Hyesung-ie.”

 

* * *

 

Hyesung tried to avoid Eric after that, giving the cold shoulder more than usual at rehearsals, and even when a camera or audience was present. His ever-present awkwardness and nervousness when Eric was around had multiplied until it was almost suffocating, and he couldn’t even glance at the other man without thinking about the strange and comforting way he had stroked his wrists and forearms. He couldn’t hear Eric’s voice without thinking about the concern he had heard in it that night, when Eric had yelled down the hall at him to stop walking so quickly so they could talk. Hyesung had hurried into his own car, telling his manager to hurry before Eric could catch him in the parking lot.  
  
But, since then, it seemed like Eric hadn’t been that interested in talking about it. Maybe he really did have the good grace to be embarrassed about his own actions. The only detectable difference was how his eyes followed Hyesung’s hands, from hair to thighs, and even in gestures. Hyesung had always felt hyperaware of Eric’s movements—but it was strange, noticing Eric notice him. He stayed up one night, wondering what it was that made Eric suddenly so interested in him. Had he stared too long? Been too obvious in his nervousness? Made Eric uncomfortable? It was beginning to drive him crazy.  
  
The next morning he was so stressed out after very little sleep, that he had even asked Andy if he’d noticed how strange Eric was acting. Andy had raised his eyebrows and smiled.  
  
“Eric-hyung is always strange,” he said.  
  
“I know that. Stranger than usual?” Hyesung asked, noticing that even hearing Eric’s name had made his hands begin to shake again. He quickly tried to still them, pressing them against his thighs.  
  
“Not any stranger than you, hyung,” Andy said cheerfully, glancing down at the trembling hands, and walking off before a response could be made. Not an encouraging sign in the least.

 

* * *

 

It was weeks before Hyesung and Eric were forced to be alone again. One night, at dinner with the other members, they had been stranded at the table together as one-after-one everyone else had walked off to answer phone calls, use the bathroom, or go out to smoke.  
  
“So,” Eric began, raising a hand and laying it on Hyesung’s phone, obscuring the screen.  
  
“I’m trying to text someone,” Hyesung said, annoyed, but letting Eric’s hand stay there, unmoving, as his heart began to pound, uncomfortably loud in his chest.  
  
“You’re always trying to text someone,” Eric said, taking the phone and putting it down on the table. “Are you never going to talk to me again because I said I was worried about you?”  
  
“You—I’m—why would you be worried about me, anyway? Everyone’s hands shake when they get nervous,” Hyesung said, folding his own offending hands tightly in his lap, dropping them beneath the table where Eric couldn’t see how much they shook just from looking at him for a few seconds too long.  
  
“I’m not worried about you being nervous. I’m worried about you being nervous around me,” Eric said.  
  
Hyesung glanced over at the other man, noticing the frown creasing his forehead, and the way he tapped his fingers on the table, closer and closer to the edge.  
  
“I wonder why I’d be nervous, with the way you’ve been acting lately,” Hyesung snapped as Eric’s hands moved under the table, as well, finding Hyesung’s clamped together and brushing against them with a couple of fingers before holding them, not too tightly.  
  
“I’m sorry, but that’s not a great explanation.” Eric squeezed Hyesung’s hands with his own once before turning to the returning Minwoo and letting a smile replace his somber expression, and slowly returning his hands to the tabletop, leaving Hyesung’s to tremble.

 

* * *

 

Another week passed, slowly and awkwardly, before Eric texted Hyesung, asking him to come over so they could talk. Hyesung had wanted to ignore the text, but had decided that it was impossible to avoid Eric forever without beginning to make every Shinhwa event an even more awkward occasion. Andy had definitely already noticed the strangeness between them, and it was only a matter of time before someone else mentioned it.  
  
Eric stood just inside his own door, feeling eerily calm for someone who couldn’t bring himself to sit down, expecting Hyesung to ring the bell at any moment. He caught himself lifting a hand to smooth his hair, subconsciously mimicking Hyesung’s body language, and laughed at himself, sticking his hand in his pocket, instead. The buzzer startled him, and he immediately jumped to open the door, not even bothering to ask who was behind it.  
  
“Hey,” Hyesung said, looking equally startled, and taking a step backward into the hall.  
  
“Hey. Come in,” Eric moved away from the door, leaving it open for Hyesung to follow him into the hallway.  
  
“You…wanted to see me?” Hyesung asked, slipping Eric’s guest slippers on and waiting, hands on thighs, to follow him into the living room. He knew he must sound like a middle schooler in the principal’s office, but he couldn’t think of any way to rephrase the question without sounding more awkward. His heart was pounding and he was afraid he might actually break into a sweat if he tried to speak again.  
  
“Don’t you want to come inside first?” Eric asked, the borderline self-congratulatory smile on his face again.  
  
Despite the awkwardness, Hyesung’s temper flared, seeing the stupid look on Eric’s face, and he elbowed his way into the living room. Eric followed behind, openly grinning. Rather than sit on the opposite side of the couch from Hyesung, he instead sat on the middle cushion, so close the two men couldn’t move without brushing knees or shoulders.  
  
“So…”  
  
“So…” Hyesung frowned, annoyed with his own inability to keep his mouth shut when he was tense. Eric smiled, patiently waiting for Hyesung to finish his sentence. “You start,” Hyesung said, finally.  
  
“I just thought we should talk. You’ve seemed tense lately. Like I said, I’m interested in you,” Eric said, raising his eyebrows mock-suggestively.  
  
Nevertheless, Hyesung felt his pulse jump.  
  
“What do you want me to say? All of us are tense. We’re promoting.”  
  
Eric sighed. He had known that talking to Hyesung about feelings was going to be difficult—neither of them were used to talking about that sort of thing at all, much less to each other—but he hadn’t prepared himself for how frustrating it was to get anything personal out of the other man.  
  
“No, I mean…hmm. You were tense before, but…I think I should apologize. I think I made you uncomfortable a few weeks ago in the practice room. I noticed how nervous you were and I was worried because you seemed to be more anxious than usual around me. I wanted to talk to you about it, and make you feel more comfortable, but I think I made it worse,” Eric said. The words had come out almost fluently, in contrast to his expectations.   
  
“How was skinship supposed to make me less nervous?” Hyesung asked, looking anywhere except at Eric.  
  
“I don’t know. I forgot how weird you are, I guess,” Eric responded, looking fixedly at the way Hyesung licked his lips—another nervous habit he had noticed over the previous months. He tried to smile, and show Hyesung he was joking, but somehow the expression wouldn’t reach his mouth.  
  
“You do make me nervous,” Hyesung said finally, almost whispering his voice came out so softly. “And touching me makes it worse, because I don’t…” he trailed off, looking at Eric for the first time since sitting down. The other man blinked at him, slowly, expressionless. “…I don’t know what you mean by it,” he finished, dropping his gaze to his lap, where his hands betrayed him again.  
  
Eric reached for his hands slowly, pulling them into his own lap and wrapping them with his own, inspecting each of Hyesung’s fingers in silence, taking in how thin and delicate they were, and the stark contrast of the lunulas Hyesung often bragged about. Eric had thought the boasts were pretty ridiculous—who cared about whether the crescent on a nail bed could be seen or not?—but he had to admit that, on Hyesung’s nails, they were lovely. Maybe not something to brag about, but something worth admiring. Finally he lifted one of Hyesung’s hands and pressed the knuckles to his mouth, trying to move slowly enough not to frighten the other man.  
  
“I told you. I’m interested in you,” Eric said, putting Hyesung’s hand back in his own lap, continuing to stroke it slowly with his thumb.  
  
Hyesung felt icy sweat on his back and forehead. He was frozen, unable to do more than follow the path of his own hand—from his own lap, to Eric’s, to Eric’s mouth, and back to Eric’s lap.   
  
“I don’t…I’m still not sure what that means,” Hyesung said, his breathing almost as shaky as his hands, the feel of Eric’s thumb making small circles on the back of his hand causing the familiar feeling of goosebumps to cover both arms once again.  
  
“My god, you idiot,” Eric said, dropping his hands abruptly.  
  
Hyesung felt his stomach drop as he lifted his gaze to meet Eric’s again, suddenly feeling very stupid and pathetic. He forced himself to make eye contact, and tried to produce a smile that would convince Eric he wasn’t stupid—hadn’t been thinking the interest was anything but friendship, or maybe business—but before he could speak, Eric moved slightly forward, lifting a hand to Hyesung’s face. He trailed his thumb from Hyesung’s cheek, to his jaw, letting the rest of his fingers rest on his neck, before moving forward and kissing him, softly and experimentally.  
  
It was a very short kiss, as Eric moved back, not quite into his original position, and made eye contact.  
  
“Do you get it now, dummy?”

**Author's Note:**

> This one will probably have a 2nd part at some (hopefully not-too-distant?) point. I actually meant to start where this ends, but I had to work my way into it because I’m pathetic. Anyway, if/when I post the second part I'll probably just post it as a separate fic.


End file.
